Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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