Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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