went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
