I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
