i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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