we have pet lesbian snakes
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
