Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
