I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
