goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
