I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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