Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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