Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What a dumb baby whore.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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