Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
