I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
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There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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