My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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