She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
