I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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