I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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