at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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