Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
