Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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