member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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