Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
