life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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