It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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