sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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