I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I lost the right to judge tonight
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
