We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
