Kiss
Puke
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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