Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
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Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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