Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
