she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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