I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
