Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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