I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
