I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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