now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
