I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
