you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
