There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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