I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
