My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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