i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
