Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
