he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
