i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
