she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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