Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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