whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
