Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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