Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
