The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
