i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
