Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
