I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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