guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
