somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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