I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
