the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
