I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
