I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
