I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
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I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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