You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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