i may or may not be watching the land before time
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
