Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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