gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
