She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
