My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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